An Uplifting Archive -
Ouija Cat 2002


Subject:  THE TRUTH ABOUT ROMANCE

HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep 
the chips and dip coming."
 -Allan, age 10

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means
you try the next one."
 -Kally, age 9

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later 
who you're stuck with."
 -Kirsten, age 10

CONCERNING THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then!"
 -Cam, age 10


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."
  -Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at 
the same kids."
  -Derrick, age 8

What Do You Think Your Mom and Dad Have in Common?

"Both don't want no more kids."
  -Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough."
 -Lynnette, age 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
  -Martin, age 10

WHAT THE CHILDREN WOULD DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS 
TURNING SOUR

"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead
columns." -Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich!"
 -Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that."
  -Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them.... It's the right thing to do."
  -Howard, age 8

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing ...I'm 
never going to have sex with my wife.  I don't want to be all grossed out!"
   -Theodore, age 8

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.  Boys need
somebody to clean up after them!"
   -Anita, age 9

"Single is better ... for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to
change no diapers... Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure
something out.  I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for 
some coffee and diaper-changing."
  -Kirsten, age 10


WHAT PROMISES DO A MAN AND A WOMAN MAKE WHEN THEY 
GET MARRIED?

"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and
diseases together."
  -Marlon, age 10

HOW TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a
truck!" -Ricky, age 7

"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy
clothes.... Especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few
diamonds on it."
   -Lori, age 8

GETTING MARRIED FOR A SECOND TIME

"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than one to 
find a live one."
   -Angie L., age 10

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T 
GET MARRIED?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"
   -Kelvin, age 8



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